D&D in the Time of Coronavirus

The title doesn't have the same ring to it as the original novel, and of course as I sit here and type this, I worry that anything I have to say will lack the gravitas, too. I hardly even know where to start.

I'm one of the lucky ones. I've worked from home for years, so that aspect of our new life is not much of a change for me. I have a lovely view outside my windows. The two people who are stuck home with me are easygoing and share my sense of humor. The way they behave when stressed is understandable to me. We are compatible. I'm one of the lucky ones. My son's school has made the transition to online-learning in such a way that his day is very similar in structure and function as it was in school, with nearly all classes using a Zoom type video conference. He spent his week learning in a meaningful way. He's in constant contact with his friends. He is happy and engaged. I am one of the lucky ones. My local grocery store is independently owned, so they are not tied to distributor lists handed down from corporate. As a result they've been quietly able to restock, and my neighborhood mostly has what they need. Those who don't, post on Nextdoor, and people help. I know all this will still wear very thin in a few weeks, much less a few months, not to mention a year from now, when it is still possible that we may need to employ social distancing.

I read the news about Italy, where people are dying so quickly and in such large numbers that their towns do not have the capacity to bury them. The bodies... I say that word 'bodies" and it sounds as if they are not the dearly loved members of their families that they are... are being shipped off to other towns for cremation. There are no funerals. People just get a box back with the ashes of their uncle or mother. I read about Nairobi and Fort Lauderdale, two cities literally a world apart, and yet equally oblivious. I read about governors eating in crowded restaurants. I read about people afraid of science and math. I read about people who don't understand that you can't always have what you want, or even what you think you deserve. That simply not understanding the math of our public health situation offers no protection, math is required for comprehension, and mother nature doesn't care that you don't like math. I think about the 925,000 hospital beds available in the United States, and how they're mostly occupied already by people who need emergency appendectomies, cancer treatments, and gunshot trauma care. I think about our nation full of diabetics with cardiovascular disease and asthma. And for now, I am one of the lucky ones. I am able to take advantage of a prodigious education as are others in our family, and in these circumstances, that is privilege indeed. I do not need affirmation. It will come. Relentlessly. Wordlessly, 29,811 base pairs at a time.

And so here I am, in relative comfort, and as safe as anyone can be in this situation. While I wait, I sew. I cook. I read. I write. I play. I talk with friends and family. I look out my window at the beautiful view. I think to myself, "I ought to write a blog post about D&D. I could write about how we will be using Discord with the Avrae bot and Roll20 for the maps."

Goldman Sachs analysts just reported that unemployment requests could spike to 2.25 million for the week. My beloved aunts and uncles may die of this viral illness within the next few months - they are unequivocally in the vulnerable demographics. I am at this moment, privileged both temporally and materially. I have what I need... even what I want... and nothing bad has happened yet. But I cannot stop myself from saying, "there but for the grace of God go I," when I read the news. And I cannot help but think about where we will be a year from now. Talking about D&D bots on Discord sounds tinny in this context.

I said before that it's important to comfort ourselves. This is true. But I can only comfort myself to a limited degree, unless I choose not to care. I am struggling deeply with the prospect that I am watching whole demographic segments of our population seal their doom. It doesn't matter that we are generally on opposite sides of every major issue. I still see those people as people... as other families' aunts and uncles, children, grandparents. I acknowledge the essential validity of Darwinism, but that does not mean I have the stomach to stand by and watch it in action amongst my own kind, especially because privilege is not always handed out to the worthy. It's hard to play games when I am forced by circumstance to watch.

I wish I had something I could close with, here. Something that could sound wise, or at least comforting. I cannot. This is not that different than the 1918 influenza epidemic, which killed 50,000,000 people, mostly in cities where people were cavalier about taking protective measures. Yes, I will pass the time as gainfully as I can. I will continue my work. I will finish a few quilts. I will learn the ins and outs of Roll20. I will take dice photos. We will continue our campaigns. And I will laugh and drink beer while we game. And I don't think I will shake this uneasy feeling for a very long time.

And so I sit here in my house with the nice view, aware of all it signifies. I roll the dice. I wait.